The Haunted Library of Professor Creepenham* 2

*original airdate 10/24/1935 

 

Ah, you've once again stepped into my library, and just in time to hear this frightful tale I call, 

"Be Careful What You Wish For...Because Good Things Don't Come To Those Who Don't Wait!"

 

"Aw, boy, does this ever stink," thought Fedger Melcupp, looking at the hillock of papers his boss just deposited on his desk.

"So glad we put you on salary," said Mr. Slebenner, "the overtime it'll take you to finish this would've put a real crimp in my bonus if you were still hourly."

The boss turned and walked away. Fedger made sure no one was looking and then glared at the departing back.

By quarter to seven, Fedger had made little progress. The office was empty. 

"I can't take this!" said Fedger, embarrassed by the timidity of his voice, "if only there was a way to skip all this."

"Maybe there is," someone close by said.

"Who...who's there?" said Fedger.

"It doesn't matter who I am," said the voice, "it's what I can do for you. I grant wishes, you see."

"Like a genie?"

"Did you rub any lamps today? Don't be foolish. I'm a gemie. I don't live in a lamp and I only grant one wish."

"Well, I wish I could skip all the bad and boring stuff."

"Very well, but be warned, some wishes can have unforeseen consequences. Dire consequences. For you see, the powers you tamper with are the elemental pow-"

"Ugh, this guy's just going to keep going like this, isn't he. Say, how did I get home all of a sudden?"

Fedger never had so much trouble getting to sleep as he did that night. His mind spun with the knowledge that the gemie was real. Magic was real. The implications of these revelations were...but most importantly he got his wish. He could skip the stuff that sucks, including trouble sleeping!

The next instant he was awake, not too refreshed, but ready to see what the day brought. Breakfast was fine, but a few minutes into his commute, the tangle of traffic made him impatient, and he found himself at work. By 11:30, he couldn't stand the drudgery, and he was home. It was 8:30 at night, he must have had to work late today, too. Then, there was nothing on TV so he found himself at work again. Fedger lost track of the days he passed in this way, and there were many.

Eventually, he decided he needed a change and skipped all the way until he'd saved up for a vacation. He enjoyed the time he spent poring over all the possible destinations, but leaping into the vacation itself, he found it just a little bit disappointing. When he broke his leg (he skipped to a moment he happened to be on the stairs and missed a step), he took another long leap until it was healed. When he had to buy a new car, he skipped until it was paid off.

One day, he looked in the mirror and it took a while to recognize himself. He'd gained weight and lost hair in proportional, and significant, amounts. How many years since he got his wish? How many years had he skipped?

"But it's like I haven't missed anything," he mumbled. "Well, that's it. I'm skipping straight to the part where my life gets good. Maybe I'll invent something, or maybe I'll win the lottery. I can't wait to find out. But no more of this treading water until it happens."

The sudden darkness was absolute. He tried to sit up and almost immediately banged his head. He groped blindly, there was hardly any room. 

"Where am I?" he whimpered.

"Where do you think?" answered the gemie.

"No...no! That's not fair! When does it get good?"

"It's already over. You never made it good. Or maybe you just had bad luck."

"Can I skip this?" asked Fedger.

"To what? This is all that's left." replied the gemie.

"But aren't I entitled to...to something?"

"No."

"Then what was the point?" Fedger pleaded.

"I don't know. I'm just a gemie," said the gemie. "Stuff's different for us."

Fedger was silent for a long time.

"But hey," said the gemie, "it's just the two of us in here. Wanna fool around?"

"And you said you only granted one wish," replied Fedger.

THE END 

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