Part 1: The Case Of The Dissolving Doctor

“You can be assured Lady Bramlather’s blackmail troubles are at an end, Inspector,” declared Percival Flordigan, World’s Most Renowned Detective.
“Well done!” said Inspector Warmshplud, “but how?”
“Simple! We all knew Doctor Debblerwessel was the culprit, as he had practically flaunted that fact right in front of us. Yet even if we had a scrap of physical evidence to this effect, he had safeguards in place that would trigger the bringing to light of the damning documents if anything were to happen to him. However, there is one small detail that every case of blackmail hinges on, one so important that no blackmail scheme can proceed without it.
"And what is that, my dear fellow?” I asked, a-jitter with suspense.
“Why, the victim, Wamsbly! I simply killed Lady Bramlather. Now, that scoundrel Debblerwessel’s plan can no longer bear fruit!”
“Splendid!” said Inspector Warmshplud.
“Quite,” I said, “But what of the fiendish Doctor?”
“I killed him, too!”
“Ingenious!”
“Ah, of course,” I said, “But what of the evidence? Might it not be found among the Doctor’s belongs enabling further dastardry?”
“That won’t be a problem, for you see, I have dissolved the Doctor’s entire house and everything therein with a powerful acid.” said the brilliant man.
“I see. But there was mention safeguards in case anything untoward befell Debblerwessel. What of those?” I said.
“Yes,” said the Inspector, betraying the first glimmer of doubt about the Detective’s abilities, “What of those?”
“Simple. Elementary logic tells us that the most likely party to perform the Doctor’s posthumous wishes would be his solicitor. I merely checked the Doctor’s address book, found the solicitor, and dissolved him in acid.”
“Astonishing!” cried the Inspector, his faith restored.
“Oh, also his staff, his office, and the entire building in which it was located.”
“Yet what if the evidence was already in route via the postman’s pouch, or at the post office? Or even already in the care of our illustrious newspaper?” I asked.
“Acid. Acid. Acid. All dissolved in acid.”
“Well, it certainly seems you’ve considered all the angles, but I wonder,” I said, “what if there were some further possibility that has eluded you and the evidence were discovered after all? The Lady’s family would find themselves embroiled in the very scandal the dear woman so nobly died to prevent.”
“Acid, my dear Wamsbly! I dissolved her family in acid. I dissolved everyone and everything related to this case in acid. What is so hard to understand?”
“How you had all day to spend with your blackmailers and your acids, but never even once wished me Happy Birthday.”
“Ah, yes. Here is your present. It’s socks.”
THE END

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