The Haunted Library of Professor Creepenham* 3

 *original airdate 10/30/1944

 

 Are you stalking me? Why are you always hanging around my library? Oh...you want to hear a story. Very well, here's terrifying tale about what happens to uninvited guests. I call it...

"Vampire Party"

"Hey, Sprib! I got a line on a hot Halloween party!" shouted Mult, barging into the living room. "It's a vampire party! Everyone's going to be dressed like draculas and nosferatus and akashas!"

"Woah, how'd you score an invite?"

"I didn't! I just overheard some dudes talking in the Arby's men's room."

"What if they don't let us in?"

"Relax, everyone will be in costume, they won't even know who we are."

"I don't know..." said Sprib, "Where is this place anyway?"

 "They said it was in the abandoned, vine-choked mansion deep in the Forbidden Woods."

"Oh, I know that place. Well, better get my costume."

On the night of the party, the full moon provided just enough light for the pair to find their way to the decaying mansion. No light shone inside, but there was laughter and the glow of firelight from around back. When they turned the corner, they found a roaring bonfire surrounded by a crowd of bloodsuckers. 

"Wow, these costumes are great!" said Sprib.

"Yeah, makes ours look like a Spirit Halloween drowned in a sewer," said Mult. "But just act like you're supposed to be here, it'll be fine."

The few revelers who noticed them, greeted them with amiable enough nods or waves. Certainly, no one challenged their presence.

"We're in," said Strib, "What do we do now?"

"Are you kidding? Let's go talk to some babes," said Mult.

"I think I need a little courage first. There's a punch bowl over there."

"Oh, cool. They even made it look like blood. Not just red punch, but thicker."

Sprib took a swallow, "Ugh, I think this punch has gone bad."

"Let me try...It IS blood!" said Mult, too loudly.

There was a queasy moment of silence as the party-goers all turned as one to stare at Strib and Mult.

"Outsiders!" someone yelled, and the cry went up, "Outsiders!"

The pair of interlopers ran, crashing heedlessly through the forest, shouts of their pursuers too close behind them. The chase stretched into an eternity, and Strib and Mult were on the point of collapse.

"It's getting lighter!" said Mult, in choking breaths, "If we can just hold out until daylight!"

A desperate burst of renewed energy kept them ahead of their tormentors. It didn't last. They found themselves in an open field. A group must have split off from the main body
because Mult and Sprib found themselves caught between two legions of the damned.

Mult sobbed. Sprib resigned himself to fate. The monsters advanced.

The first rays of sunlight broke through the trees. Sprib and Mult collapsed, knowing they were safe. The fiends would be driven away, or burned to ashes. But they were not driven away.

"No!" cried Sprib, "this can't be!"

"You can't stand direct sunlight!" shrieked Mult.

"That's vampires," said the closest member of the mob, taking off her costume, "Didn't you know? Werewolves like Halloween, too."

The full moon still hung low over the horizon. As the creatures ripped into the humans' flesh, green blood splattered across the green field.

For you see, Sprib and Mult were aliens.

"They were aliens, don't you see? Their blood was green. It was green! Green!" Crebb Lickly shouted, over and over, as he had for the past three days. But there was no one to hear him, except the white, padded walls of his asylum cell.

"Noooo!!!" screamed Buren, lurching up from his bed, soaked in icy sweat, and more than a little urine. "I can't take it, Lima, this damn dream. You know, the one where I'm locked away in a mental hospital, muttering about aliens. Lima?"

But he was alone. Reality slowly, painfully returned to him. Lima was dead. Ten years ago, this very night. The house was empty and silent.

"Aw, these nightmares really make me have to shit," said Buren, heading for the bathroom.

The bathroom door collided with something. Someone was already in there! Buren heard a woman's voice.

"Lima?"

"CUT!" yelled the director, "You hit her with the door again! You're ruining the movie! You know, the movie we've been filming this whole time, that this whole thing has been all along? Get it together, people!"

THE END

Now wasn't that chilling? Sprib and Mult learned the hard way not to crash parties they learned about in toilets. And hopefully, you've learned not to go where you're unwelcome. But, of course, you're always welcome in The Haunted Library of Professor Creepenham! Just follow the winding trail to my castle atop the cliff at the end of Pussywillow Drive!